im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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