You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
