I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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