dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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