I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
