a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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