i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm too high and old for this...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize