Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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