i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You've changed since you got that strap on
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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