Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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