Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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