guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
‪Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best. ‬
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
