Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
