This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
