U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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