He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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