after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
