if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
