Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
