As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize