She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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