if only i could text you this smell
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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