why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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