RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
