That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you would pick up someone in the library
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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