No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize