so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
