I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
3 2 1 whiskey
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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