her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
