I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
