His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize