Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
