I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
