Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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