life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
