just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
