So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
