bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
