I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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