he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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