i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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