My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
