I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize