you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
