You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
