She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
