This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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