I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
being pregnant is like rehab
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
