You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
