I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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