I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
