You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
