Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
