I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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