Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We're too hungover to prance.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
