Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
porn star boner night. come get it.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize