I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
