who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
