He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
