Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You are the jesus of drinking
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
