just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
