He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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