It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
