my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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