Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
