What a fucking waste of an outfit
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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