Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
