ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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