She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
