We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
