This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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