The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
