so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize