Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
